Grow up or grow you?

There have been wars inside my soul,
Bloodshed.

Tragically it is
The mere circumstance.

I did learn to respond and not to react on my way to adulthood.

However,
This reluctance towards maturity led me to this day.
I’m afraid, the reactions inside me are still vibrantly available.

They need half of an invitation
Or just a sign.
They’ll flow out of me like that of a flood.

Causing destruction, invisibly.

Adulthood, yet not reached.
But the amount of change tells me I am on the right way
And the amount of acceptance tells me that I am close.

But this is not it.

I wonder what happens after that.
After you become everything you once loathed.
After turning into someone you wouldn’t recognise much.
Being born someone and made someone else.

After that,
When you reach your destination.
You loathe it.

And you wonder why you dreamt of being old one day.

It’s circling,
And you are stuck.

That is what time does,
It moves from the same place number of times,
Till you stop noticing.

It sure is a circle but you are blocked,
Statued enough to move.

You hurried to reach adulthood only to feel stuck.

But there is never a way back and ahead of this is regret.

Maybe we aren’t here to grow up,
Or maybe we are.
But the thing to observe is

Happy are those who choose to grow into themselves more than growing up.

Who seek to be what they are rather than what they should be.
Who dive deep to find themselves instead of learning to act.

And maybe they fail at the times when the rest pass.

But they definitely score,
When everyone else is stuck,
once and forever.

-Ayrisha Sepaha

Ayrisha Sepaha

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The object of interest.

“You float motionless
Like a raft above the sea
I swim deep,
Depth seems the surface for me.

You’re ashamed of my chaos
I’m ashamed of your peace.

I seek apologies
For letting go of you
Several times that now it looks routine.
But did you ever realise?
You are the wind which moves away in no time.

You stay as if you aren’t here
You love as if it isn’t a pain.

Sadly enough,
You hide the parts which should be showed, most.

Naked you
Is a lie you tell to people.

Who seek pleasure in what their eyes see.

I dare to dive inside your hollowed soul,
Only to find out that you succumbed yourself to death, back sometime.

You pity no one but who didn’t kill themselves like you did.

I stand there
Refused to be fooled by the side you show.

You admire my courage but loathe my interest,
For interests, my love
Are your weakness.

And people are your need.

But you wouldn’t want me to win above you.
Because you believe
You play your part well.

Poor love,
I wonder
Who’ll drag you to truth someday.
That what you are killing is what your survival needs. ”

-Ayrisha Sepaha

Ayrisha Sepaha

You think?

She sat near the door, unpredictable and interesting.
Challenging the spectator and disappointing herself, reprimanding her own self for failing several times to fit into reality.

Like it was a race,
Like it was about winning the reality and then relaxing for the rest of the life.

She heard footsteps approaching her,
Her reluctance to involve in with anyone but herself spoke for her
In sheer rudeness,
Dry enough to wet someone’s eyes.

Melancholy has its way of showing up.

Someone said,
Are you again going to spend the rest of the day being dull?

Another electricity ran inside her body,
Enough power to shoot back and stand up,
Stand up to face and fake a smile again because dull was not the right word or maybe to stand and explain,
But explain?

That is the art fading inside her, like rainbow fades and then disappears.

You think the sky doesn’t know that rainbow has only come to leave soon?
You think a dull person doesn’t know that you are now already describing him with more remorseful words to someone?
You think faking a smile works?
You think it is just about passing each day at peace or fake peace?
Sleep is an answer or escape?

And do you think nobody knows this?

While all these questions piled up inside her head, a lot more than it’s volume could handle,

Her fingers clenched,
They felt the absence of a cigarette between them,
And now you think she doesn’t know it’s harmful?

Ayrisha Sepaha