Grow up or grow you?

There have been wars inside my soul,
Bloodshed.

Tragically it is
The mere circumstance.

I did learn to respond and not to react on my way to adulthood.

However,
This reluctance towards maturity led me to this day.
I’m afraid, the reactions inside me are still vibrantly available.

They need half of an invitation
Or just a sign.
They’ll flow out of me like that of a flood.

Causing destruction, invisibly.

Adulthood, yet not reached.
But the amount of change tells me I am on the right way
And the amount of acceptance tells me that I am close.

But this is not it.

I wonder what happens after that.
After you become everything you once loathed.
After turning into someone you wouldn’t recognise much.
Being born someone and made someone else.

After that,
When you reach your destination.
You loathe it.

And you wonder why you dreamt of being old one day.

It’s circling,
And you are stuck.

That is what time does,
It moves from the same place number of times,
Till you stop noticing.

It sure is a circle but you are blocked,
Statued enough to move.

You hurried to reach adulthood only to feel stuck.

But there is never a way back and ahead of this is regret.

Maybe we aren’t here to grow up,
Or maybe we are.
But the thing to observe is

Happy are those who choose to grow into themselves more than growing up.

Who seek to be what they are rather than what they should be.
Who dive deep to find themselves instead of learning to act.

And maybe they fail at the times when the rest pass.

But they definitely score,
When everyone else is stuck,
once and forever.

-Ayrisha Sepaha

Ayrisha Sepaha

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