Black and White

The two parts,


I have to count days when I feel that emotion for which I chose this rarest path.

I have to make room for sadness each day to let it come and survive inside of me without fading my smile.
I keep pretending I didn’t see how much I am abandoned by those who still have promises to keep.

For people see the spark within me but not the fire inside, burning my soul like a mere paper.

I have ashes of my emotions which I succumbed to death, collecting inside of me.

I have smoke flying away, finding another home. Perhaps, a better one than me.

I watch them people and curse my decisions

Not because I didn’t win,
But because they fail me.
Each time and every time until i give up on counting.

I am intimidated till the core.
Scared enough to cry out like that of a kid.
Even when I am asked a simple question.

I know the answers, I know most of the answers which they do not even have questions for.

But to bring them out is difficult even more than keeping shut.
Now that I am here,
Going back isn’t a real option.
Now that I am damaged, I can hide these marks,
Or I can just pretend I don’t care anymore.


I have this feeling, which jumps my soul.
I feel my heart’s palpitations, I can feel my feet touching the ground.
Or the laughter I scream out loud.
Power within me keeps growing, I am not only fooling people but wining over situations like I am into some easy game.

I made a lot happen, I left my hurting self.
I let people go, who were toxic and didn’t want me anymore.

I am so calm, I bore myself.
And feelings?
I control them, all of them.

Human reactions are lame,
I Don’t follow them,
Even though I am one of them.
I am the master of my mind.

And that makes me superior and better.
And I am the only one who deserves my own self.

And like I promised,
Play the game till the end.

I am going to play and surely win.
And people,
Well I can read them, I can turn their minds in no time.

I have seen my influence and have even watched myself not giving a damn at the end of the day.

And even If I slip,
A nap or a glass of water, that’s all I need.

I have a life, I am creating for my self
Rest everything and everyone is just a trespassing element.

Ayrisha Sepaha