How to win an election in India!

Well, the answer is going to be pretty much lame and a lot amateur but trust me on this, it will definitely make a lot of sense. 
Although there exists a lot of ways to win an election in Hindustan because I suspect its the only country where flippancy is powerful than preciseness.
Nevertheless, I sum at four ways.
1. Bucks!
Exactly it is.
We know two India,
One which our textbooks described back in school days and another which actually survives among politics. And the secret is, the second one isn’t that democratic it’s rather plutocratic.
So just be rich as hell.
And for that,
Either be a superstar at your time and as you feel your career slipping and your fame abdicating, slowly roll into politics.
Famous people are always trusted and being a superstar, you are always morally accepted. Not to mention your survival needs motive.

Or, be a multimillionaire.
A business man, who apparently is pulling over ancestral gift (the already setup business) wishing to make investments, not in the share market but in the politics, for a change.
So here is the deal, throw the bucks.
And fill your vote buckets.
That’s the game about. It’s business you do after every five years.

2. Trigger!
A great man once said,”fear lead me to something, love couldn’t.”
But the tip with this method is, it’s the rural area based technique.
Poor people have nothing to lose, but life. Threaten them, get your votes. Walk like a boss, with a loaded gun hidden behind ofcourse.
Use your power and make them your slaves and then as a celebration shower them with ‘desi daaru’ and completely fake promises.
Also keep a lusty eye over the feminine population so that you can play indecent games later, because once you win, you wont have much workload as you planned to do NOTHING.

Another trigger could be of power, for instance, the great khandani raj! Own the whole bloody place and mark your surname as a brand over even the traffic lights.
Create your own world, then you don’t need campaigns for votes.
Competitors won’t mind, after all its all your home.
Sindhiyas, Gandhis, etc

3. Be, Arvind Kejriwal

In short, watch a tollywood movie and completely follow it.
Sacrifice your high paying job and act like you are a disguised James Bond in Lord Ram’s avatar and Bharat Mata is the apparent Sita Mata.
Work with whole of your heart,(arteries, ventricular muscles, auricular muscles and what not)
Very swiftly try to change India and develop big rivals, after month abdicate! show’s over people.
Goodnight now.
And after that keep popping out time to time, to reflect your concern hence, keep giving your contradictory comments about the government in action.

And the last way is,
4. Be, Lalu Prasad Yadav.
Oh where do I start from, Drink a lot of milk maybe?
Have great amounts of tobacco, spit on the road while giving a national interview, have a lot of kids and nominate each step by step, talk about studies? Nah! I should be kidding.
And ‘Bhup’ everyone who says anything.
Own some columns in the newspapers, make controversies and then?
Repeat the same with more tobacco after five years.

And and and , If you are someone who really has a logical and educated plan for that betterment of this nation and genuinely want to he a leader to conjure the economic issues and produce power among the nation, Dude go back home.
You are completely in an alien world.
WO na hopaega!